MARY READY: Church makes the best comedy club

Some Christians take church way too seriously. They forget God loves a good joke. Otherwise, He wouldn?t have created the platypus or Rush Limbaugh.

Even His word tells us in Proverbs 17:22 ?A merry heart doeth good, like medicine.? The secular version is ?Laughter is the best medicine.? People who love to quote this advice don?t often think about the rest of the sentence, ?but a depressed spirit dries up the bones.? A congregation of dusty, dry bones misrepresents the joy that should be an integral feature of salvation.

But, OK, enough sermonizing.

My favorite church joke is the one involving St. Peter showing a new citizen around heaven. When they pass the mansions of the Baptists (or fill in any denomination as you wish), he tells the newcomer, ?Be very quiet passing through this area. They think they?re the only ones up here.?

My point is that religion as a punch line is not necessarily blasphemy. And friendly, humorous disagreement among the various churches is probably a great source of?laughter up in heaven. It?s the least we humans can do, since most of the time we cause God a lot of grief. ?

Take, for instance, the story of two across-the-street churches in Kentucky. Our Lady of Martyrs Catholic Church sign proclaimed, ?All dogs go to heaven.? Almost immediately, the Presbyterian Church sign responded: ?Only humans go to heaven. Read the Bible.? Then came the Catholic retort: ?God loves all His creatures, dogs included.? The Presbyterians answered, ?Dogs don?t have souls. This is not open for debate.?? The Catholic sign then read, ?Catholic dogs do. Presbyterian dogs should talk it over with a priest.? Not to be defeated, the Presbyterian sign posted, ?Converting to Catholicism does not magically grant your dog a soul.?

The back and forth went on for some time. Although later proven to be a prank at the expense of both churches, it?s still true that religious DOGma (pun intended) can create hilarious debate. At least for the common sense observer who isn?t throwing scriptures like darts at fellow Christians.

Some of my favorite church signs:

Forgive you enemies. It messes up their heads.

Read the Bible. It will scare the Hell out of you.

Artificial Intelligence is NO Match for Natural Stupidity.

God does not believe in atheists. Therefore, atheists do not exist.

I have also been a source of laughter in God?s house.

Recently, the pastor was giving us his sermon scripture reference, accompanied by the usual sounds of Bible pages flipping all across the church. Then a deep, booming voice (like Charlton Heston?s) is heard announcing, ?The LORD said to Moses ?Say to the people, You are a stiff-necked people; if for a single moment I should go up among you, I would consume you. So now take off your ornaments, that I may know what to do with you.??

It seemed to be coming from a celestial source, but it wasn?t God. It was me. At least, it was my cell phone. Trying to be modern, I had left my Bible at home and was using my phone to access the verses from a Bible program stored in it. I inadvertently hit the speaker button and couldn?t figure out how to turn it off. I tried sitting on it, but we still heard the angry voice of God coming out from under my seat. I was just about to throw it on the floor and stomp on it when my son reached over and turned it off.

The next Sunday, as an encore, I once again made a spectacle of myself. As I walked down the center aisle to my seat, I felt a lady following close behind me. Stopping me and placing her hand on my shoulder, she said, ?Don?t turn around. Stay close to me.?

I?d been meeting and greeting with my skirt tucked up into my underwear. I had to duck out a side door to fix my wardrobe malfunction. Then, re-enter with a red face.

I don?t know how I?m going to top those two comedic performances this Sunday.

I can only hope fellow worshippers and God get a giggle out of me. It keeps my bones from drying up.

Mary Ready of Destin is a twice-retired English teacher and long-time area resident. Her columns are published on Saturdays.

Source: http://www.thedestinlog.com/news/church-21060-loves-club.html

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